Years in Azkaban
by Cherry Nightmare
Summary: This is a story about Sirius «Padfoot» Black during the years that he was in azkaban. What were his thoughts? His dreams? RR plz (first fic)[COMPLETED]
1. Behind the bars, in Azkaban

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Chapter One – Behind the bars, in Azkaban

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Guilty.

Two guards grabbed me and took me away while i yelled

"I'M INNOCENT" 

~*~

Azkaban, I fear that name.

They putted me into a cell while i kept yelling that i was innocent.

"IT'S NOT TRUE! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!"

"It's not worth it" said a voice "They don't care"

I look back. It was an old man who looked miserable.

"What?" I said 

"You heard me. Who are you? What did you do?" he asked

"I did nothing!"

"I see..." the man sat on the floor 

"You don't believe me, do you?" I was getting pissed but he said nothing. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes I am. No I don't believe you're innocent, and if i did? What difference could it make?"

I was staring at him, his clothes were ripped and he was skinny, I wonder how many time was he there. 

"Silence... I though that you liked to yell. Anyways..."

He shuted up and i said with a sigh.

"I'm Sirius Black, and they say i murdered 13 people, which i haven't."

"Which you haven't? I murdered people too! That's why i'm here!"

"But..." 

__

yes: but i killed no one, and then? What's the point? Would he save me? Why should he believe me when no one else did?

"How many time are you in here?" I asked

The old man looked me in the eyes. 

"Too long perhaps." he said sadly "Some many time that i can't remember."

And he sat on the corner. I looked around. It was a filthy stone cell. You could see the moon through the window (if you can call it a window). 

What an awful view...

What was i expecting? A palace perhaps? I heard many horrible things about Azkaban, and i'm sure i wouldn't want to be sure if they were true or not, but there I was, and I was innocent.


	2. Believe me

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Chapter Two – Believe me

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Locked in a stone cell, acused of betraying my best friends.

12 people were murdered that day, yes 12 not 13, but I didn't do anything. I never imagine that he could have done that, I was sure that if I made Lily and James make him their Secret Keeper, Voldemort would come after me, because there was no way to suspect of such weak person.

I remember the night I saw their home destroyed and their bodys laying on the floor. I couldn't forget that. I will never forget that.

And then I went outside, Pettigrew yelled that I've betrayed Lily and James and then, transformed himself before I had time to take off my wand. Before that, he cutted his finger, making me the guilty one.

And he was innocent, because he was "dead".

Damn him!

I hate him with all my heart.

Those were the thoughs kept running through my mind during the next months. I couldn't think about anything else. My head just wondered between here and there.

One day the old man was bended over the window looking outside.

"Did you ever though in running away?" he asked

"Of course, like probably, everyone in here. But that's impossible, right?"

"Of course it is! Can't you tell?"

I rolled my eyes: "Yeah, sure." 

"And if you could? And if you did?" 

"And if I did...people outside are dying to see me dead." 

"Why do people fear you so much?"

"You don't know?" I asked surprised

"No idea."

"They say...They say I'm with the Dark Lord"

The man's eyes opened in shock.

"Oh my!" screamed the old man, he fell back. "Get away from me!!!"

"Look! I didn't do anything!" I said loud

"PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!" he cried 

Just like the others, he thinked that I was with _Him_, that I was his servant...Voldemort's servant.

He runned into a corner.

_That's _the reaction people have, when someone that they're afraid of comes near.

I know, I once felt that fear.

I looked at him. He was still shaking with fear in the corner of that cell.

Nothing seemed to calm him down, I didn't even tried to get close to him.


	3. Lies and Madness

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Chapter Three – Lies and Madness

I woke up when someone came in.

"Breakfast time!" the old man grabbed his _food_ and started eating

The early sunlight entered touching my face. _I wished I wasn't there so much._

"Won't you eat?" he said 

Wait! Wasn't he afraid of me?

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean..." he said looking at me like I was stupid "Will you eat?" 

"Yes, I will." I answered him the same way

And I ate. Although it was strange, last night that man would ran away from me if he could and now he was behaving like nothing happened.

"So, having a nice time?"

"Huh?!" I asked with my mouth full

"Don't be offended. I was just making conversation."

"Asnwering to your question; no, I'm not having a nice time."

" Neither do I. You know... if I haven't steel that thing I wouldn't be here"

"You've stole something?" I asked surprised without caring to ask what was _something_

"Yup."

"You're here because you stole something?" 

"Yes, I am." He answered naturally

"But you told me that you were here because you killed people!"

"No, boy. I think you are confused."

Was I? No, no I wasn't! _He was_.

"Actually..." he said with a fool and crazy, yet happy, smile "Since both of us are innocent, we should run away!! HAHA! Imagine both of us escaping from Azkaban! We'll be legends!!!"

He laughed hard. I smiled and I was about to answer when i heard the Dementors coming, and suddenly all my good thoughs fanished. But they entered the cell.

I felt sad, depressed, the world hated me, I could only feel pain and darkness.

I saw them walking towards the old man, after that the only thing I remember is waking up, sweating, and the oldman's body laying on the floor.

Was he dead?

No, _worst._

Because there is one thing worst than death.

They gave him _the kiss_, now he was a souless body, he wasn't dead yet, he was alive, but the Dementors had sucked his soul, he was nothing more than a vegetable. I can't imagine anything worst than that.

Hours after someone took his body away. I couldn't see who was because I was at a dark corner of the cell and the half-moon light wasn't enough to see anything.

And I realized that I never knew his name, actually I don't think _he_ knew his name either. Whoever the oldman was he kept me company, now I was alone in there, with no one to keep me sane.

No one, but myself.


	4. Alone With Myself

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Chapter Four – Alone With Myself

_But I kept my sanity. Knowing I was innocent I kept my sanity, with the desire for revenge I kept my sanity._

I never knew what have he done for the Dementors to give him the kiss, I don't think I knew anything about him. He used to make a scratch in the wall, everyday to count the days he was in there, he even made a mark in the day I arrived. For many times I tried to count them all but I got bored or lost and I had to start over again, a few weeks after I gave up. I also tried to make a scratch for each day but I didn't remember, sometimes, if I've made it or not, or I ended up making two in the same day, so I just guessed how many time I was in there.

After the _death_ of the old man, I started to pay more attention of what was going on around there. Almost all the Voldemort's followers were there, they yelled during their sleep, they yelled things like "HE WILL RETURN" and some others incomprehensible words. 

I knew one of those voices, it was from my cousin, Bellatrix, I hated her has much as I hated the rest of my family. That was probably the only time I though about my family there.

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"I could guess how happy they are because of me being here." I thought. 

I had a lot of good conversations with myself, just wishing that I didn't forget how to speak. No one really cared about it, Azkaban was filled with monologues with no sense at all.

I thought about the old man so many times, I would never know what had he done, but I wondered about it.

Something terrible perhaps, or they were just annoyed with the happiness he had. I don't think I heard someone happy, except for that day, when I heard someone laughing and the Dementors going to another cell, I just asked to myself "Could you find happiness in _here_? Why does something so rare needs to disappear?"

"No, please no!" said a voice.

A scream.

And I heard screams like that almost everyday. Not laughs but screams. Fear, pain.

I closed my eyes. _Will that someday happen to me?_

No one deserves that kind of punishment. Or maybe, they did, who was I to say if they should or not? Most of the people in there were souless or insane bodies, just waiting to die.

Tears run over my face. 

I felt so sad.

I didn't had any hope.

I just knew that I was innocent.

I knew it, but no one else did. 

~~~~~

A.N.- thanks for the reviews, made me feel good


	5. I used to be rational or not

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Chapter Five – I used to be rational... or not

«Padfoot!» I heard someone calling me «Moony? Prongs?» I shouted 

They smiled at me, I smiled at them. «Padfoot» another voice said, I looked around, the voice laughed. «Wormtail!». And everything turned black. 

I dreamed about the Marauders many times while there, but all dreams turned into nightmares. The image of Lily and James' body laying on the floor always ended up appearing.

Of course the Dementors didn't _bother me _anymore. You know why? Because i didn't had any hope, I didn't had any happy thoughts. Outside i was an evil murderer and a crazy dangerous person. That was enough to make me feel bad.

But as the time passed I got used to those screams, that _food_, those dreamsand feeling alone. I got used to that place so much, that it was becaming really boring. My goal for everyday wasn't to survive anymore, but to find something to do, save myself from insanity. Sometimes I just looked through the bars to see someone. I 'knew' people there, but I don't think they remembered me, I tried to talk with some of them but they answered me with such strange words that...oh well...I gave up.

Sometimes I found myself singing at the corner of the cell, which had become my favourite place to be.

"La la la" 

Is it me or the dementors couldn't ear?

"HEY, I'M DEAD YOU BASTARDS!!! CAN'T YOU SEE ME?"

Is this what you feel when you're crazy? The other prisoners started yelling too. So much noise. I wonder if the dementors got annoyed.

I looked outside, it was snowing, which means that Winter had come again. I didn't knew how many Winters I had passed there, a lot perhaps, but I remembered the first.

I was so cold, I don't think I could feel my body, I wasn't sure to survive, but after that, many Winters came. The stone cell wasn't warm, you know, and if you don't move you frost to dead, well kinda... I made the pin against the wall, just to see how many time I could stay without moving. I didn't had a watch so I counted until 14 before I start feeling that my head will blow up.

Once I grabbed a small rock I found there and wrote on the prison wall

«Sirius Black was here»

It sounds stupid but it kept me busy during a while and since it was a really small rock it was difficult to write, it took me some time.

And the moon light entered in the cell. The clouds probably disappeared and I looked through the window. Full moon. That reminded me of Remus. "I wonder...where is he today? What happened to him? I wonder if I start howling would he listen?"

And I did. Like a fool. All night long.

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This was the closest to insanity I got.


	6. The Daily Prophet

Chapter Six – The Daily Prophet

Unfortunately, I remember every day that I was locked in that place.

I specially remember the day when I met my _beloved_ cousin, Bellatrix, her husband, Rodolphus, and her husband's brother, Rabastan came, it was the first time I saw them in years. It also was with them a blonde haired boy, that called for his mother for days and days, he eventually shut up, (they all shut up) and died after a bit more then a year, _or so I thought_

I've always hated my family, their thoughts, their ideas, their pure blood, _my own_ pure blood.

Perhaps the only prison worst than Azkaban was the «Home of the Black».

I knew that they were all Death Eaters, and the vision of Bellatrix suffering made me feel satisfied.

Besides that, I haven't seen much more things since the two only windows I had were the one to the outside (water and more water) and the small one on the door.

One day, I don't know the exact date, but I was playing with my fingers when I heard a voice. A human voice.

I looked through the bars, Fudge was inspecting the prison, I lean my head against the bars and when he passed I said "Hi".

"Hello. If I'm not mistaken you're Sirius Black?" He answered after a while watching me.

"That's me." He had in his hand a copy of the Daily Prophet. "I miss the crosswords on that newspaper. There's not much to do here, you know."

The way that he looked surprised didn't bother me much, it made me feel special in matter of fact. What was he thinking?

"I can tell." He answered after a while "How is to be in here?"

"Boring," I said "but you get used to it."

"Yes. I see."

After a while talking (and it was great to talk with someone that was really human) he said to me: "Aren't you afraid?"

"Of what?" I asked

"Of becaming like _them_" and he looked to the other people

"I think I lost that fear, sometimes I wish I were like them, at least they don't feel so alone."

"You know" he said looking at me again "Dispite you're an awful criminal, I admire you, Black. So many time in here, nothing seems to put you down."

I just stared at him. He walked to the door and he was almost getting out when he came back, gave me the Daily Prophet and said "Enjoy" and he got of there.

I smiled, at least I though I did, tasted odd. I really missed those crosswords. I sat back in the corner of the cell and looked to the newspaper.

Wait.

Did I just saw what I think I did?

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**A/N:** I'm sorry i took too long with this chapter! But here he is, the next ones will be here soon.


	7. I Must Get Out

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Chapter Seven - I Must Get Out

Did I just saw what I think I did?

DID I?

I looked again to the front page.

NO. I wasn't crazy yet! It was him! I knew it was him!

Peter Pettigrew, the one who really betrayed Lilly and James, the real servant of the Dark Lord, the one who took me to jail! There he was, in his animagus form, I'm sure it's him, oh! so many times I saw him changing.

I knew it was him, a rat with one finger missing. The same rat I saw during the years that the Marauders were together. Without the finger he cutted on that day.

It said on the Daily Prophet something like the Weasley family went to Egipt. They said that their children would go back to Hogwarts in September.

"He is in Hogwarts!" I said loud

And so was Harry, James' son.

I couldn't care less of what people think in or outside Azkaban, I just wanted revenge.

I had to get out of there!

I dropped a cup of water that I had in my cell since_ dinner _and i looked to my reflection, i saw myself, in the small puddle, my hair was greasy, beard had grown up and i looked different. I was miserable, i was sad. Suddenly i remembered the days with the Marauders and what needed to be done.

I had to get away from there. No matter what. I couldn't stay there anymore, i would get off there...or die trying.

The same way Pettigrew made me want to get of there, he also explained me how: Dementors could only feel people's thoughs, feelings, but they couldn't if I were an animal.

And that's what I did.

I changed to my animagus form: a huge black bear-like dog, and only changed back when someone came to bring me food.

They couldn't _feel me_ so they supposed I was becoming 'emotionless' like everyone else.

I could have done this, ages ago, but I didn't had any reason to do that. I haven't forgottent (and _they _won't let me) that I was a fearless murderer outside.

I needed a place to hide, and I knew just were would I go: good old Hogwarts and its magnificent secret passages.

The Shrieking Shack.

In the place I wrote «Sirius Black was here» I added «...but is no longer».

I would try to escape in the next day, I had to be ready.


	8. Animagus

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Chapter Eight – Animagus

_For days I dreamed about Hogwarts._

I passed through the Dementors, has fast has I could and it took some seconds for them to understand that I had escaped, but I didn't stopped until I get outside. I threw myself to the water and I realized that that was the first bath I took in years, well except for that day, a few years ago, when there was a huge storm and the rain entered through the window making the cell all wet, like myself.

I swimmed and swimmed, I couldn't feel better when I fell in the ground exausthed. So many years sitting around that small cell made me lose my shape, I was more skinny than a stick and very weak.

I looked back and I saw nothing, but soon they'll be Dementors and guards everywhere, so I rested for a couple of minutes and I kept my way to the North, still in my Animagus form.

But I had something else I wanted to do before I go to Hogwarts, I had to see my Godson, I had to see Harry, my best friends' son.

And after that, I'll be going to Hogwarts to seek revenge.

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A.N.: Yes this is the end, and yes it is short. It's just about Sirius' years in Azkaban so I won't make it any longer, I hope you liked it.


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